A steady RAP Beat is needed to get through this, written a month after surgery, when I finally started to feel better. Reminiscent of how Howard Stern used to get laughs at the expense of his wife, it’s a rap for open mic night…
By Doug Bayliss
Updated May 10, 2026
Vim & Vigor
A b c d – TELL THE STORY
Steely knives / under the lights / I endured the RIGOR
Queen Michelle / by my side / man I really DIG-HER
I don’t need / no little-blue-pill / my rod is now much THICKER
No kiddin’ around / if only you knew / her eyes grew even BIGGER
It’s a waiting game / to WAIT AND SEE / which one of us cums QUICKER
If I finish first / it won’t MATTER / she cums just when I LICKER
A b c d
No fear on stage / OPEN MIC NIGHT / ain’t gonna’ be my TRIGGER
I gotta’ new past-time / pann’in for gold / I haven’t struck it rich -GO FIGURE!
But the river’s still callin’ / with treasures untold / put in the old out-RIGGER
Packin’ for the trip / don’t give me no lip / bring along the aged MALT LIQUOR
A b c d
Grab a bottle of / ice cold FIRE BALL / pour me a nice tall JIGGER
That’s what I’ve / come to call / pure VIM AND VIGOR
Raise a glass / to a second chance / But I’m not a guitar PICKER
Oh what a night / play it real tight / or we’re callin’ the grave yard DIGGER
A b c d
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