My Wedding Ceremony

Wedding-ring

The goal of this speech is to deliver a 5-7 minute Mono-drama (a dramatic composition written for one performer).

I decided to publicly relive the final moments leading up to the words “You may now kiss the bride.” on my wedding day.  It’s performed standing if at the alter, everyone in place now waiting for the Bride’s grand entrance.

[Recite as if thoughts. Remember no eye contact]

I.

This necktie is so tight. I feel like I’ve been  standing here for hours.

Is it hot in here? [looks at watch]

Where is Michelle?

She should have been here 20 minutes ago.

[looks around room. reassuringly nodding at guests] Note: do not make eye contact with actual audience. 

Did the car break down? Flat tire? Engine trouble? I love that old Cadillac her Dad drives but it’s not in the best of shape.

What if it overheated?

II.

Look at everyone, they are starting to think she left me at the alter. Whispering in other’s ears.

I can hear you, you know!  Where is she? What could have happened?

Maybe she is leaving me at the alter! Maybe I should leave HER at the alter!

“Excuse me everyone, no one knows where my Bride is, i guess she left me at alter. Thank you for coming but the wedding is off.”

Oh boy that would sure shock the hell out of everyone.

A Bridesmaid peaks around the corner from the back of the church to catch my eye. She looks worried.

Where IS she? [looks at watch again]

Damn her. This is getting ridiculous.

III.

I can’t believe how many people are here. This church is packed with friends, relatives and a Barbershop Quartet who is going to sing later, along with my best friend who is singing w guitar accompaniment by a gracious 2nd cousin!

IV.

What’s that I hear? The organ? Could it be? Yes! She must be here!

The bridesmaids begin their walk…

Look here comes Veronica our flower girl. So cute. And Michelle, walking arm in arm with her father.

Damn her Dad looks good in that tuxedo.  I’ve never seen him dressed so formal.

But Michelle… What a vision. What a heavenly angel. Long flowing white dress. So pretty. So young. You sly dog you, what a cradle robber!

Her green eyes sparkling… and check out that cleavage! I can’t wait until tonight!

[nod to Father of Bride, shake his hand]

V.

[sound of organ]
“Wa wa wa-wa…wa..wa.. waaa]

You may now kiss the Bride!

Doug & Michelle – Sept. 24, 1983

Doug & Michelle – Sept. 24, 1983

 

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